Aku tak pernah lupa blog ni
Tapi setiap kali aku nak menulis sesuatu
Semua hilang... Terpendam sendiri😣
Kadang aku terfikir boleh ke aku luah di sini
Boleh ke? Tak apa ke? Macamana nanti kalau...?
Soalan yang selalu aku bebel sendiri
Dulu aku tak ambil kisah tentang perasaan aku
Tapi lately aku rasa aku makin jadi 'seorang yang sensitif'
Dulu orang cakap la apa pun aku memang tak ambil peduli
Tapi sekarang everything is matters to me
And i kept deep inside 'A lot'
Aku tahu tu sesuatu yang tak sihat
Aku tahu tu... Tapi mentally aku tak dapat kawal benda tu
Tiap kali aku cuba bercerita secara serius, tak ada siapa pun pandang benda ni serius. Including my family.
Aku tak pasti apa yang aku alami.
Tapi aku pasti something is going wrong with myself.
Now, i can't even drive car when the road is packed. I become chilly so suddenly, sweating, and it feels like i can't breathe. It feels stuffy in there. Keep thinking that 'i must get out of here NOW'
And when that happens, i try to distract myself by talking to anyone with me at that time (which now i dont drive alone because I'm aware of myself). Last resort, i pull over and just stay there try to brainwash my own mind. Keep saying this is normal, nothing bad is gonna happen. Or I left the car and take ride home.
I would avoid going to crowded places. Take lift. Closed space like that terrified me. A LOT. Aku harap kawan² aku faham kenapa aku tak pergi majlis kahwin diorang.
I go to emergency once. They said i just having gastric symptoms. I go to few private clinic. Same answers. Does gastric do that to you?
I'm confused.
Aku akan cuba jumpa pergi jumpa pakar pula. Kalau ada siapa boleh suggest kat mana perlu aku tuju, please feel free to comment 😊. Aku nak sembuh. Aku nak aku yang dulu.
By,
@Ritma.hidup
